Forever Unrequited
by Miss Geoffery Chaucer
Summary: Renji and Ichigo are exploring newly realized feelings. But where does that leave Rukia? VERY BRIEF Renji/Ichigo but mostly Rukia. Rukia haters beware. Unless you like seeing her sad. Read my author notes and the story Of Birds and Bees! :


A/N:  
As you could guess I own NOTHING. I am not earning any compensation for this story. Which is probably a good thing because I suspect it's not that well written.

Oy.

This story was actually inspired by another story on fanfiction. net : Of Birds and Bees (http:// www. fancition .net/s/5054799/1/Of_birds_and_bees)(make sure to remove the spaces when you copy/paste!). My little deviation takes place right around the beginning of Chapter 4. READ IT! :)

Listen to Evenescence "My Immortal". That is the tone I am going for.

Rukia haters...don't even think about it. She deserves to tell her story.  
And trust me...I'm not normally her biggest fan. But I couldn't get this out of my head.

Renji/Ichigo  
Unrequited Rukia/Ichigo  
Lots of angst.

Thanks a million to Bleach, Wikipedia, google, and tant-gredelin! :)  
Gomennasai = I'm sorry  
Wakarimashita = I understand  
Fukutaicho = Vice Captain  
Baka = idiot/fool  
The rest should make sense.  
I guess slight spoilers from the _Hueco Mundo_ series. I've seen up to about episode 165.

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Sitting at the familiar table in Urahara's shop.  
The awkward clinking of teacups against saucers.  
The tension-or was it excitement?- so palpable between the two males that she wanted to scream.

Instead, the petite, dark-haired Shinigami rose from her chair and quietly excused herself. She slipped around the corner and stilled with her back against the wall, out of site. How could she have been so stupid? How had she not seen this happening right under her nose? She cursed silently under her breath. Careful to not expose herself, Rukia leaned closer to the door-frame and peered over at the men she thought she had known better than herself.

"Oi, Renji!"

The red-haired man raised a tattooed eyebrow at Ichigo. "What's wrong, Kurosaki-_chan_?" Renji's trademark wolfish grin spread across his face when he said this. Still, there was more playful affection in that grin than harsh bravado. The blush spreading across the younger man's face only caused his grin to widen further.

Rukia felt her heart begin to crack at the sweet exchange, made sweeter still by it's clandestine nature. She could see the cause of Ichigo's sudden exclamation: Renji had grabbed his hand beneath the table, gently intertwining their fingers. The most innocent of touches. For how long had she wanted to touch Ichigo in that manner?

" 'Kurosaki-_chan' _?!" Ichigo seethed, his frown deepening into a scowl. "Just where the hell do you get off calling me that?" The blush deepening across his cheeks belied his anger. It betrayed something deeper, something even Rukia had not anticipated. She felt the crack deepen, one tiny shard breaking loose. It was over then. She had missed her chance. Or had she even had a chance to begin with? It seemed debatable at this point.

"Does it bother you?" Without waiting for a reply, Renji leaned forward and brushed his lips ever-so-softly across Ichigo's, pausing only for a moment before straightening up in his chair again. His smile was gentle and sincere this time, all playfulness gone. "_Gomennasai__._ I won't say it again if it bother's you." Rukia couldn't help noticing that their fingers were still interlaced; despite his protests, Ichigo had made no move to pull his hand away from the older Shinigami.

She raised her own hand, small fingers balled up into a tiny fist, against her chest in an attempt to still the pain. A single tear made it's way silently down her cheek. Would it never be her turn to know a love requited? First Kaien-dono, and now Ichigo?

"I-it doesn't bother me, Renji. It's just that Rukia could come back any second..." his voice trailed off. "Fuck. What would she think if she saw this, if she heard what you just called me? What would she think if she saw what we just _did_?" Ichigo raised his free hand and ran it through his wild orange hair, visibly flustered. He still made no move to pull his hand away from Renji's. To Rukia, that was the most telling sign. That was what made everything real. That was what caused the second shard to come lose and break way from her shattering heart.

"Ahh. _Wakarimashita_." Renji slowly pulled his hand free from Ichigo's with a reassuring smile. The blush on Ichigo's face deepened.

A second tear found it's way down Rukia's cheek. She could take no more of the tender scene between the two Shinigami. She needed to be alone; she needed air; she needed, above all else, solace from the source of her pain. She went out the back of Urahara's shop unnoticed.

The sun shone bright and she turned her face up towards the warm rays. Scenes from her life flashed behind her closed eyelids as a gentle breeze ruffled the hem of her sun-dress.

_Her early days as nothing more than a street-rat in soul-society, living with her sister Hisana._

_Being accepted into the Shinigami academy; mastering her kido abilities; learning how to use _Sode no Shirayuki_; the thrill she felt upon first using _some no mai_ followed soon after with _tsugi no mai_ and finally _san no mai_._

_Hisana's death._

_Being adopted by the Kuckiki clan._

_And always....Renji....always Renji..._

_Her acceptance to the 13th Division._

_Smiling face...warm eyes....genuine affection - something more?....Fukutaicho Kaien-dono..._

_First heart-break; death of something that could never be to begin with...infinite pain, permanent loss, final goodbye: the sword through Kaien-dono's chest._

_Her first assignment - being sent to the real world to investigate a sudden increase in hollow activity in Karakura Town..._

_And then...Kurosaki Ichigo..._

Large violet eyes snapped open with that thought. Eyes that shone bright with unwept tears, untold emotions.

First there was Renji. Rukia had often wondered if she and Renji were in love. It seemed so natural for awhile, so right that they _should_ be in love. They had gone through so much together; experienced so much, grown together, depended on each other. There had come a point in their relationship, not so much a defining moment as a realization on both their parts _where you either accept each other as lovers of soulmate caliber, or you know that you'll never in a million years look at one another that way_.

Rukia had decided on the latter. Renji, on the other hand, had apparently decided they were to be lovers of soulmate caliber. Or so she had thought at the time.

Before she even had time to deal with what was happening between herself and Renji, there was her imprisonment in _Sereitei_ and with it her impending execution. She had accepted the idea of her death, accepted never seeing her friends or adopted family again. The thought of never getting to say goodbye to Renji made her heart ache. That she expected. The pain caused by images of Ichigo's face, however, was a thousand times stronger and more painful. _That_, she had not expected.

Her body's intrinsic response to Ichigo's appearance moments before her death was something she had never before experienced. It was like being reunited with her other half. And he had come to save _her_...

After that, she had tried as best she knew how to be gentle with Renji's feelings, to let him know that she could never reciprocate what he felt for her; however, she did not have much experience in that particular arena. The last thing in the world she wanted was to hurt him but it seemed inevitable.

He seemed to handle things well enough.

That is, until they had been reassigned to Karakura Town once again, this time to aid in the war against Aizen and his rising army of _Arrancar_ and _Espada_. The constant worry, impossible battles and her near death in _Hueco Mundo_ all seemed to bring his feelings for her to the surface again and fuel his inner fire.

And all the while all she could think about was _Ichigo_...

"Ichi-go..."

Ichigo's own death, albeit only temporary, in _Hueco Mundo_ at the hands of Ulquiorra nearly drove Rukia mad. It was, after all, because of _her_ that he had even been involved in that war. It was because of _her_ that he was a substitute Shinigami. It was because of _her_ that his life was in danger every day. If something happened to him because of her, Rukia would truly never forgive herself. She had already been responsible for the death of one man she loved, she could not bear to let it happen twice.

She slowly sank to hear knees, her head down now, arms hanging loosely at her sides. Her body was wracked with silent sobs at the memories, both old and recent, and the pain they elicited.

The war was over. Life was returning to normal. She and Renji had remained in _Karakura Town_ for the time being to make sure things remained peaceful. It was at night, laying in the grass beneath the stars in her Shinigami form and passively monitoring the night atmosphere for hollow _reiatsu_ that Rukia had finally begun to really explore her feelings for Ichigo. It had started with a random memory of _Hueco Mundo:_

_Nel glared at her from her position in Ichigo's lap._

_Rukia looked at the little hollow, transfixed, and whispered to Renji, "Why is she staring at me?!"_

_Nel's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What's your wewationship wif Itsygo?"_

Rukia hadn't been able to respond. The little hollow had taken quite a liking to Ichigo and seemed to see Rukia as competition.

That simple exchange - no, mere comment - had taken Rukia aback. She had pushed it far from her mind at the time. Only on those warm _Karakura_ nights did she allow such thoughts to begin to take form. What _was_ her relationship with Ichigo? He'd been in her thoughts increasingly lately and she had begun to suspect that she wanted more from him. More than fighting side-by-side, more than camaraderie, more than friendship. She imagined what his arms would feel like around her, what his waist would feel like encircled by her own thin arms. She wondered what it would feel like to finally run her hands through his spiky orange hair. She imagined how his breath would feel against her cheek as he bent down to press his lips against hers... She began to see him differently, to look at him in a way she hadn't looked at anyone since Kaien-dono...

Rukia wasn't oblivious to the fact that her feelings for Ichigo had begun mainly due to his similarities to Kaien-dono. She had recognized that from the beginning. But it had evolved into something extraordinarily different. His resemblance to Kaien-dono was uncanny; it had taken her breath away the first time she'd laid eyes on him. But that was where the similarities ended. Where Kaien-dono was warmth and openness, Ichigo was hard and brooding. The deeper into Ichigo's world Rukia delved, the more intrigued she became with him. Intrigue somewhere along the line turned into affection, and affection found it's way to love.

Every time she heard that familiar "Oi, Rukia!" her heart danced with a thousand butterflies.

She had decided that it was time. She had decided to finally make it clear to Renji that she could never love him the way he loved her. She would make it clear that her heart belonged to another. Knowing Renji, he would flash her his classic wolfish smile and brush it off to make her feel better. But Rukia knew better. Or at least, she thought she had. She had expected the news to devastate him, cripple his heart.

Before she even had a chance to find the words to say to Renji, something suddenly changed. Renji backed off of his own accord. Rukia hadn't understood his reasoning at the time and relief blossomed within her. She felt freed of a great burden. Maybe things were going to work out for her after all; she would finally be granted her own happily-ever-after with Ichigo and things could remain normal between she and Renji.

Another silent tear escaped between her downcast eyelashes as she realized how blind she had been. "_Baka_." Her balled up fists were clenched tightly in her lap. Knowing what she now knew, it was obvious. Renji hadn't been giving her space to clear her head and collect her thoughts.

He had moved on.

Which was good.

But in moving on, he had taken from her the one man with whom she had fallen irrevocably in love.


End file.
